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Thursday, August 13, 2009

I love Target. My husband, not so much. Funny story.

This was found on a wonderful blog called, Beautiful Living. Enjoy, Heidi

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target store. Dear Mrs.Samsel, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away! This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9 September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it asa mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 13. Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, He yelled, PICK ME, PICK ME.

14. October 21. When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here. 'One of the clerks passed out.


Unknown said...

Oh my, I am crying, that is hilarious!!! Nos. 13 and 15 are my favourites.....thanks for the giggle :)

Heidi said...

Thank you, Janet for finding this one. I can see my little brother doing all of these things. Heidi

The Whispering Creek House said...

This is priceless! thanks for the laugh!

Fargerike Dagny said...

Thanks for mentioning my blog! :D I'm so happy to find your blog, it's great!

Anonymous said...

Hi Heidi! I read your post early this morning and then I ended up in a brand new Target today; when checking out an elderly couple came up behind me and I started to smile thinking of what I read! I must send this to my own parents who are retired and my dad "shops" but never like this!!!lol Very funny post - Sincerely, Jeannette

Jacqueline @ HOME said...

Oh, I'm not letting my husband read this...I think it sums up his thoughts on shopping and he might give it a go !!!! said...

OMG that was hysterical!!! I just passed your blog along to everyone I know.

koralee said...

Just found your lovely glad I did...this is funny. I am off to visit some of your past post to see what I have missed! Thanks for the laugh!

Millie said...

The author of this story has been stalking MOTH. I'll never think of Target in the same light again Heides, especially those change rooms!
Millie ^_^

Lisar said...

I'm crying too (with laughter)..thanks!!!